Break This Curse
by kab16
Summary: Secret Santa for KaydenceRei! "Juliet thought back over her parents, Edmund, Jack. Love was a mistake. Love was a very, very big mistake." Love is a curse for Juliet. Always has been. But maybe Sawyer is all she needs to break it.


_**A/N: Hey everyone! Sorry this is so so late! This is my secret Santa for KaydenceRei, who wanted a Sawyer/Juliet fic where Sawyer says "I love you" first. This fic is kind of all over the place and I somehow even managed to have a scene from the finale in here. But hopefully it still has what you were looking for. Hope you enjoy :)**_

Love is a word.

Four letters, two vowels, one syllable. Dictionary definition: _A profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person._

But to Juliet, there is no meaning to it. Love is a word, and nothing more.

The theory began to form with her parents.

_Just because two people love each other doesn't mean that they are supposed to be together._

But if it didn't mean that, what did it mean?

Her parents never told her.

Next came Edmund. Edmund, who she had so truly believed was good and caring. Edmund, who she loved and married and was so sure he loved her too. Edmund, who slept with every girl in sight and didn't give a damn about the woman who always spent the night in their bed alone.

Love definitely lost some points there.

And the final step of the let's-get-Juliet-to-lose-all-faith-in-love-forever plan was Jack. She remembered clearly how he brought his lips to hers. (And _he knows how I feel about you. He knows where to where find me._) And she had actually allowed herself to think that maybe this was it. Maybe Jack was it.

And then he asked for Kate. He wanted her. She was being used. And so Jack had made it final: love was just a word. An empty, meaningless word.

Nothing more.

She had promised herself then and there. She would never be fooled again.

So she wasn't expecting anything to come out of it that afternoon during their sixth month in Dharmaville. She was just pulling off her goggles, ready to leave the motor pool for the day when a blue jeep pulled up.

"Hey Grease Lightening, got time to look at one more?" He stepped out of the car and headed towards her.

"James," she sighed. "I've been working all I day and I'm going home. Ask Mark to do it."

"Oh come on," he smirked. "I wanna see you work."

"Mark is much more experienced then I am."

"And I'm sure Mark doesn't look as good as you do working."

"You are such an ass," she muttered, putting her hair back up and throwing on her goggles."What's wrong with it?"

"Don't know. But we've got the big security trip coming up and H wants to make sure that all the jeeps are top notch. He wants a full check up for all the cars. This one's got some trouble starting up."

"Oh, that's finally happening?" She smirked. Sawyer had been dreading this for weeks. Being back in the jungle, no bed, no bathroom. "At least this time I'll have a car," he had told her a few weeks ago.

"Yep, we leave first think tomorrow morning. Three days in the open and the radio's busted. No way in hell am I going out there without it."

She rolled her eyes and grabbed her tool box, letting it slam playfully into Sawyer as she moved passed him, and rolled herself under the car.

He took a seat beside the jeep and listened to the clinking of metal from below it. "Ya know I fixed a car once."

"Really?" She somehow doubted this.

"Yeah…well…not really. But I helped…sort of."

Juliet's laughter flowed out from under the jeep. Sawyer smiled. She had begun to laugh more and more each day, and Sawyer loved hearing it. He was always proud of himself when he managed to make her laugh.

"I mostly sat on the side drinking beers," he continued. "Though I can't say I didn't deserve them. After coming back from being kidnapped, kept in a cage, forced to work on God knows what, beaten half to death by a fucking insane bastard, _and_ tasered by this gorgeous blonde bitch, I came back to find all my stuff gone."

Juliet stopped her work for a second, but quickly composed herself. "Are you serious?"

"Hell yeah I'm serious. Hurley found one of these Hippie vans out in the jungle and decided to take it for a ride. You remember, when he ran over your Other friends? I came back to find him and Jin trying to get it running. Found a pile of beer and a dead body in it." It just dawned on him who exactly that body belonged to, and he was about to say it when he remembered how Juliet reacted to realizing that Ben and Roger Linus were on here. It wasn't pretty. He decided it was better not to mention it. "It might of even been that one over there," he pointed (though she couldn't see). "You've probably worked on it before. Or will. Ask Jin, he'll remember. Ask him what the only three things a woman needs to hear are. He knows."

Juliet rolled her eyes. Then she continued to work on the car in silence.

"Hey, I'm sorry," she finally called.

"Huh?"

"I'm sorry for tasering you."

"That? Don't worry about it. Barely even hurt," he added sarcastically.

Juliet couldn't help but smile. There was something she found oddly attractive about his sarcastic yet sweet attitude.

"No but really," he called seriously. "I don't blame ya. I mean, it would've been nice if you coulda decided to help us _before _Blockhead tried to kill me, but you had your reasons. And it's not like I haven't been through worse. Just ask Sayid."

She didn't respond and Sawyer tapped his fingers against the jeep. He didn't know why he loved talking to Juliet so much or why it was so important that he spent as much of his day as he could with her. But it was.

How was he gonna get through the next couple of days?

"So where'd you learn all this stuff anyway?" he asked. He hadn't been to the motor pool before and he was more than a bit suspicious that she wasn't just finding some way around the work. But he she was, working on his car like a pro.

"One of Rachel's old boyfriends," she answered. "He had some obsession with cars and always wanted to take her to his garage t work on them. She always refused, so sometimes he invited me. I was strangely fascinated by them. I was 16 and still didn't have a car of my own. And Rachel barely let me use hers. We built a car together, Tyler and me." Sawyer could hear the smile in her voice.

"He tried to kiss me once," she said as afterthought.

"Oh really? And what you do?"

"I slapped him."

He chuckled. "Why am I not surprised? Not good enough for you?" he guessed.

"Are you kidding? He was perfect. But he was my sister's boyfriend. I couldn't do that to her."

That also didn't surprise Sawyer.

"He was the only guy to ever like me more than my sister," she couldn't help but add. She hadn't talked about her personal life once in the last three and a half years, aside from little comments here and there. My sister had cancer, I was a fertility doctor, I'm divorced…things like that. But something about being under the car where no one could see her face and she couldn't see anyone else's, and it being James who was listening on the other side, made her want to let it all out.

"Now that can't be true," Sawyer said.

"No, it is. You would believe it if you saw me then."

"Didn't you tell me you were married?"

She snorted. "Edmund liked _every_ girl more than me. There just…wasn't much to like about me. I was shy and quiet and insecure. I never stood up for myself. It took years for me to get the divorce papers even though I knew he was cheating. And I continued working for the bastard just cause I didn't think I was good enough to get hired anywhere else."

She was kidding, Sawyer thought. She _had_ to be kidding. There was no way in _hell_ that the woman with the scary blue stare and confident voice that worked with the others, held Kate hostage, tasered him and pretty much lied to the everybody on the island at one point or another was _ever _quiet and insecure. But she sounded serious as ever.

"And I wasn't any more likable when I came here. Though I did have two men liking me. One was a complete psychopath and the other was married. And so I became the other women. Some cold, heartless, lying, murdering…Other." the name worked for her. It sounded so inhuman. "I did what I had too. It's how you survive here. But I hated myself. Ben and Goodwin might have liked me, but God I hated myself."

Sawyer sat there, stunned. She had never said that much about herself before. She tried to talk nonchalantly, and she was doing a damn good job at it, but he could hear the slightest bit of emotion in it. And somehow hearing her so broken and being able to understand her more than ever, well, it was an incredible turn on.

"You're likable now," he said to soft for her to hear.

"What?" She called, turning off the machinery.

Sawyer didn't answer. Instead he stuck his hand under the car and rolled Juliet out. He stared intensely into her deep blue eyes where the pain was clear. She opened her mouth to ask what he was doing but before she even got a word out he bent down, put an arm under her back to lift her slightly, and pressed his lips to hers.

He fully expected her to pull back, maybe even slap him (clearly she was good at that). But she surprised them both by pulling herself up further and wrapping her arms around him. She kissed him back and wasn't sure if any feeling in the world could compare to this. He was positive none could.

When they pulled apart they stared silently at each other, waiting for the other to say something. At last Juliet broke the silence.

"You sure you have to leave tomorrow?"

***

It was six days (that liar) before Sawyer returned. Juliet had no idea what to expect. She didn't know if he regretted the kiss or if he actually wanted something to come out of it. She failed at trying not to think of it. And she definitely failed at trying not to hope for something more.

She was just stepping out of the shower, wrapped in nothing more than a towel, when she saw him lounging against the wall in the hallway.

"Miss me?" he smirked.

She smiled hugely. "Hey." She quickly made her way to him and gave him a one armed hug, using the other to hold her towel up. Then they looked up at each other and every bit of doubt and fear they had disintegrated as their lips met.

"Mmm," he smiled, resting his cheek against hers. "You smell like strawberry shampoo."

"And you smell like you haven't showered in a week."

He laughed. "Well we've done worse, haven't we?"

"We definitely have."

They kissed again.

"You know what I really miss?" he asked suggestively, his fingers playing around with the top of her towel. "Having a nice, warm bed."

"Oh, do you want to go take a nap, cause I can start dinner?" she asked, pulling away.

"Haha smartass."

She smiled and grabbed his hand. "Come on," she said. And she leaded him to her bedroom.

(He was wrong. Some feelings _could _compare to that first kiss.)

***

The days went by, and their relationship progressed. A kiss when they got home from work, some nights spent in Juliet's room, soon Sawyer never went into his room at all. The way Juliet felt about him, she never felt that about anyone.

But she couldn't love him.

She didn't.

Okay. That was a lie.

But she was scared as hell to love him. She tried to remind herself, love didn't exist, at least not for her. Anytime she allowed herself to love, she got hurt. Love leads to heartbreak. It ruins everything, it's a curse.

She loved him more than anything. So she wasn't going to risk it. She wasn't going to say a thing.

The next yearly security expedition was coming up, and Horace just had to schedule it for December 20th.

"I can't believe you're going to be away for Christmas," she said, arms crossed, as he prepared to leave.

"Jules, it's only three days. I'll be back."

"You said it was three days last time and you were gone for six. And this was gonna be my first real Christmas in 4 years. We missed last year, just being back from time traveling and all. And I don't count the three I spent as an Other."

"Hey, come here." He held out his arms and she reluctantly let him pull her in. "I'll be back as soon as I can, okay? I love you."

She froze. Her heart beat frantically and she wasn't sure she knew how to breathe. She looked up at him in shock and saw the truth of his words (and a little anticipation and worry) in his eyes.

Sawyer had been trying to find a way to say that for months. And now seemed as good a time as any. It was hard to get it out, and he nearly died when she just stared at him like he was an idiot. But he didn't say anything, and he tried his best not to show anything. He just waited, expecting the worst.

Juliet thought back over her parents, Edmund, Jack. Love was a mistake. Love was a very, very big mistake.

"I love you too."  
She half expected him to burst into flames as soon as the words left her mouth, but he didn't. He simply smiled and brought his lips to hers.

They were interrupted by the honking of a car. They glanced out the window to see Miles.

Juliet laughed. "You always have to do these things right before you leave, don't you?"

"That's how I roll, Sweetheart."

He grabbed his bag and slung it over his shoulder. "I'll be back before Christmas."

"Yeah, yeah. Of course you will. Be careful."

"Always am," he smirked.

He leaned in for another kiss and Miles honked the horn again.

"I'm coming!" Sawyer shouted.

Juliet laughed. "Go on, get out of here."

He gave her one more quick kiss.

"Love you."

"Love you."

Then he ran out the door and hopped into the car.

"I love you!" he shouted.

She rolled her eyes. "I love you too!" she laughed.

And then they were off.

Juliet closed the door and was still laughing when she got back to their room. She loved him, and he loved her, and everything was fine. There was no curse on this love. Maybe James was all it took to break the spell.

***

Juliet was lying alone in bed. It 2:30 Christmas morning and she had read as long as she could. She was exhausted but wasn't too fond of the idea of falling asleep alone on Christmas Eve. This Christmas wasn't nearly as bad as her past four. She spent the day at Amy's setting up for the big Christmas Eve dinner and had a good time with everyone there. But still, she wanted to be with the people she loved. The man she loved.

God it was weird to say that.

She pulled the blankets around her and was just about to give in to sleep when she heard the door creak open.

Her eyes opened and she turned around to see Sawyer coming into the room.

"May I just say," he asked while stripping down to his boxers. "That I was right. And you were wrong."

She grinned and looked to the clock. "You seem to be two hours and thirty-two minutes late to me."

"Oh, for God's sake Lady; give me a break! I just spent the last four days roaming through the jungle, making sure your ass was safe back home."

He climbed into bed and she leaned into him. He wrapped her arms around her and kissed her hair. "Merry Christmas," he murmured.

She lifted herself up and kissed him. "Merry Christmas."

They were both exhausted and practically asleep within minutes.

"I love you," Juliet whispered.

"Love you," he responded tiredly. Then they fell asleep in each other's arms.

*****

She had heard that as you die, your life is supposed to flash before your eyes. She wasn't seeing her life, just three years of it. The only years that meant anything to her. The three years spent with the only man that mattered.

And then she hit the bottom and felt her bones crack. But she didn't feel death. Oh God, she wasn't dead.

Love. This is where love took her. The cold, dark, lonely bottom of a pit. Nearly dead, but not quite.

This is how love always ended. Her parents, Edmund, Jack, and James.

But somehow his name didn't feel right on that list. No, he didn't belong there. Because even if she wasn't, their love was still intact.

She saw the bomb. The light in the tunnel. Their last hope.

She grabbed a rock. She hit it against the bomb one, two, three, four…eight times. And then there was that flash of white light. And she knew that, somehow, she'd find him again. She had too. Because love, _their_ love, was more than a word. It was more than those four letters, those two vowels and that one syllable. It was more than a profoundly tender, passionate affection for another person. It was so much more.

There was no curse on their love. She was going to find him again. She knew she would. Because, if nothing else, their love was real.

_**A/N: So, I kind of like that ending, but if you guys (especially KaydenceRei) want a second chapter, let me know. Hope you all enjoyed! Thanks for reading! Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, and happy New Year!!!**_


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